One Step Forward, Two Steps Back
by Paisley Mae
Summary: [Post-11x2]: Meredith returns home after Maggie's shocking revelation. {oneshot MERDER}


**A/N: **_I felt like there were too many gaping holes for MerDer after the premiere since 11x2 was Maggie-centric. The next time we see them after the bombshell at the end of 11x1, they're eating lunch together. This short one shot attempts to fill in some of the 11x2 gaps. It was also inspired by the sneak peek for 11x3. Meredith is talking to Alex while he's in the shower. Meanwhile, I've been longing for a MerDer shower scene since like forever. So, here you go! [no sex - I didn't think it was appropriate for this story - just Meredith ranting]_

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><p>"You've reached Meredith Grey. I can't come to the phone right now…"<p>

Derek ends the call before Meredith's voice tells him to, "_Please leave a message and I'll get back to you as soon as I can_._" _He's heard it plenty of times over the past twenty-four hours. She's avoiding him, and he knows it. Lunch earlier had showcased every aspect of her avoidance tactic. They hadn't planned to eat lunch together. Meredith hadn't come home the night before, and she wasn't answering her phone. Zola was upset, so Derek had promised her that she could come to the "big girl cafeteria" to eat lunch with him.

To Derek's surprise, Meredith was already at the daycare when he went to pick Zola up for lunch. She, too, had planned to eat lunch with Zola, setting them both up for a very awkward lunch hour. During that hour, they'd barely uttered two words to each other. Meredith had focused her attention solely on Zola, leaving him to sit there awkwardly and pretend like everything was okay. The last thing he wanted was to make a scene in front of the whole hospital. Grey Sloan Memorial Hospital already knew more about his personal life than he could ever want them to know. Plus, Zola was there. He couldn't confront Meredith in front of Zola.

He worries about Meredith when she pulls crap like this, even though he knows she has probably caught herself in a big case, or she is at Joe's drowning her thoughts in tequila. Some things never change.

His heart aches sorrowfully. He doesn't understand what he's done wrong now. She wanted to stay in Seattle. She didn't actually think that he would willingly choose to live across the country from his family, did she? He's confused and doesn't know what she wants now. One thing is becoming apparent to him: She doesn't seem to want him. The thought nauseates him and has been tugging at his heartstrings all day. Has she fallen out of love with him? Is she too afraid to say it to his face? He doesn't know what to think now. All he knows is he can't imagine his life without her or the kids. He doesn't want to _have _to imagine his life without her or the kids.

Derek downs a glass of single malt scotch and listens to the silence buzz. Both kids are asleep. Zola asked where her mommy was, and Derek explained that she was working. Children are resilient. It's important that the kids think everything is normal. Meredith will come around. She always does. Her core values are centered around not turning into her parents. She'll come around.

Or at least Derek hopes she comes around. _She has to. She always does._

His cell phone vibrates. _Meredith? _he hopes, but it's Amelia's face who lights up his screen. He exhales sharply and answers. "Amy?"

"Derek," his little sister mocks him. "Anyway, I was just calling to let you know that I don't know when or if I'll be home tonight. I have a friend who I think is gonna need a DD. I didn't want you to stay up worrying or anything."

_At least someone has that amount of courtesy, _Derek thinks, impressed by his sister's thoughtfulness. It feels like yesterday that she was the one who would spend all night God knows where, never checking in. Amelia had caused their mother countless sleepless nights during her teen years.

"Thanks for letting me know," Derek expresses his gratitude. "Hey, Amy, you haven't spoken to Meredith, have you?"

"Um, the only time I saw her today was when you were eating lunch together with Zola. By the way, you two looked freaking tense. I mean, to everyone else in the room, you looked like an adorable happy family, but you didn't fool me. Meredith wouldn't even look at you. What'd you do now?"

Before Derek is able to respond, he hears a jingle coming from the front door. The doorknob rotates and the door creaks open. Meredith appears.

"Uhh...I have to go, Amy." He abruptly ends the call, setting his phone on the counter, and his eyes focuse on Meredith. Her face is cool and stern. She kicks her shoes off her feet and unbuttons her olive-colored denim jacket, revealing her pune mid-sleeved blouse. She forcefully grabs a hanger from the front closet and hangs her jacket, refusing to make eye contact with him. Then, she storms toward their bedroom, not stopping once to acknowledge Derek's presence.

Derek dashes after her.

"Meredith," he speaks solidly, watching as she unbuttons her blouse, revealing her white tank top undershirt. She continues to avoid his presence. She tosses her shirt on the floor and begins unbuttoning her jeans. "You can pretend you don't see or hear me, but I know you can, so I'm going to talk to you. You don't have to respond. That's your choice. All I need is for you to hear me." She doesn't turn her head to acknowledge his words. Instead, she continues undressing.

He finds himself distracted by her perfect slender body. Even when she's furious, he can't not find her to be sexy. She rips her ponytail out, releasing her long, messy honey-colored hair. She hasn't highlighted it recently, so her hair resembles its natural color.

Derek's heart races. He doesn't know what she thinks she's doing, but clearly she's avoiding him. He follows her into the bathroom, where she takes out a big purple towel and sets it on the counter. He stands in the doorway, watching her as she turns on the water and turns around.

"Are you going to join me?" she barks fiercely. "I mean, if you want to talk to me so freaking bad, take off your damn clothes."

He is taken aback by the offer, certainly not expecting it. "You want me to join you?" he asks blankly.

"If I were you, I'd take off your clothes before I change my mind," she rolls her eyes.

And Derek does as he is told, not about to pass up this chance. She rarely lets him shower with her. According to her, showing is one of the only things she gets to do on her own, so she likes to use that time to think. So, he won't pass up this opportunity, even though she looks like she could behead him.

He takes off his clothes as commanded and steps into the shower. She follows after him. They both stand under the showerhead. One of the requirements he'd had when he had drafted the plan for the house was their shower be big enough for two. Meredith, on the other hand, had only cared that their bathtub be deep enough to where she could cover her knees and boobs, and it is. It has been a while since they have shared a bath together, and admittedly, he misses those moments.

Derek's body stands parallel to Meredith, careful not to touch her. He stands with his arms against his side, gazing into her eyes as the water splashes onto their heads. The warm steam circles around them, fogging up the shower door. She closes her eyes and he hears her sniffle. She blinks, and he notices the redness within her eyes, her pupils are dilated. He can't tell for sure, since her face is drenched with water, but it looks like she is crying. She crosses her arms over her breasts and bites her lip. Finally, Derek extends an arm and brushes against her wet arm. He can sense the tension in her muscles. He places both hands on her hips, and she doesn't move.

"Meredith, everything is going to be fine. I chose you. You and the kids. I love you. I want to be with you. I can't imagine being any here else other than here with you, Bailey, and Zola," Derek tells her softly. "I'm your husband, and I love you, and I'm never going to stop loving you. Remember? No running. Ever."

She curls her lip under her teeth but doesn't say anything. Sometimes he can tell what she's thinking. They've been together for so long that he generally knows what's going through her head, but for once, he can't. Her facial expressions tell him nothing. It shows neither sadness nor happiness nor anger.

"Meredith? Say something," he pleads, looking into her eyes searching for answers. "Say anything."

"The new Chief of Cardio thinks she's my biological sister," Meredith responds hoarsely.

His hands go numb as he releases her from his grip. His mouth hangs wide open; a gulp of liquid enters his mouth, making its way down his air pipe. He chokes, clasping his hand over his chest, coughing the water up. He lunges forward, almost slipping. Fortunately, she grabs his waist, helping him to steady his balance before he ends up in danger.

"What are you talking about?" Derek gasps, completely thrown off guard by Meredith's revelation. He has just poured his heart out to her, and now he doesn't know what the hell she's talking about.

"She came up to me as I was leaving the hospital. I was just minding my own damn business. I was planning on coming home to talk to you, and she stops me. I mean, this girl has been stalking me, I swear, and she's obsessed with telling me how to do my job. For two days, Derek, she's been following me everywhere. Yesterday she got pissed because I wouldn't get her patient an Echo. I mean, Owen agreed with my treatment plan and everything. Then, she deliberately ignored me in my OR as some type of payback. Then, today, she freaked out because I put a central line in her patient without notifying her. Since when do we notify other doctors when we're trying to save a patient's life?" Meredith rants breathlessly. "Then she basically killed the patient by performing inefficient CPR. She claims the patient said she wanted to die but her daughter wanted to keep her alive. I don't know if that's the truth, but whatever. That's not the point right now. She says Ellis Grey is her mother. She's like five years younger than me. I would have _known _if my mother was pregnant, right? Of course I would have."

Her eyes are bloodshot now. He can tell she's completely on edge, and he wants to say something to comfort her, but he's dumbfounded. He can't imagine how she's feeling right now, though he understands why she's upset. He had no idea that this Dr. Pierce had been causing her so much trouble. Of course he had no idea, because she had avoided him all day.

"Meredith…" Derek stumbles for words.

"Derek, she's stalking us. She's the one Zola said hi to at lunch today. And she knew that you were going to D.C. How could she have possibly known that?" Meredith asks frantically.

"Meredith, I'm pretty sure every person at Grey Sloan Memorial Hospital knows that I was going to D.C. Now, it would have been creepy if she knew I was staying, which she clearly didn't," Derek assures her.

"I haven't told anyone you're staying...other than Alex, so why would she know that? One thing's for sure: She's obsessed with me. She's cornered me _numerous _times over the past two days," Meredith insists. Finally, he is able to read her facial expression. He senses fear.

"Shhh," Derek soothes, taking Meredith's purple body sponge from its hanger. He squirts a little bit of her liquid Dial lavender body wash on the sponge and begins to massage the suds into her body.

"Anyone who went to medical school and actually paid attention knows who my mother is. She was mentioned in at least five of my college textbooks. I mean, a Google search could tell her that Ellis Grey used to work at Seattle Grace Hospital and that the hospital was renamed _Grey_-Sloan Memorial. She could have easily found my credentials online to know that I work there and am on the hospital board. Also, the President's brain mapping project has been all over the media. Surely your name has come up in some of those articles. It's not rocket science."

He continues massaging the soap suds into her skin, allowing her to rant, not saying anything. Then, he helps her out of the shower and wraps her in a towel. He wraps his arms around her.

"I'm sure there's a reasonable explanation for this," he says softly, not sure how he can comfort her, considering he is just as confused as she is. Meredith has another sister? Meredith said this woman is five years younger than she is. He remembers Meredith telling him that her mother moved to Boston when she was five years old.

Which would mean only one thing: This woman is Ellis and Richard's lovechild. Unless, of course, Ellis Grey had another affair with another African American man, because this woman – Dr. Pierce – is clearly mixed race.

He doesn't say anything, though. Derek can tell she is in no condition to start accepting the possibility that this woman might actually be her half-sister. After all, he remembers how she reacted when she found out about Lexie. She was furious and hostile towards Lexie. Of course, he and Meredith weren't in a good place then, either.

"Meredith," he murmurs, running his hand through her damp hair. "Are we okay?" He feels horrible for asking, but he just has to know.

She lifts her head from his chest and gazes solemnly into his eyes. She shakes her head. "I don't know, Derek. I don't know. All I know is _I'm _not okay. But thank you for being here. Thank you for comforting me, even though I've been horrible to you lately. I'm just...I'm not okay."

And he has his answer.

"I'm not going anywhere," he assures her, holding her in his arms. It's all he can do for now. At least it was one step forward.

One step forward, two steps back.


End file.
